I cocktease, you cocktease, he/she/it (mostly he) cockteases.
Straight boys are weird. Next time one of your straight male friends tells you that he finds understanding women difficult, I want you to laugh in his face. What makes them so weird? This conversation (which I have had maybe 4 or 5 billion times in my life):
“You’re queer? Ugh backs to the wall.”
“No really, you are safe, believe me. I wouldn’t touch you with the butler’s toasting fork.”
“Why, what’s wrong with me? Why don’t you fancy me?”
“Well, your hair is all wrong, we could only have a conversation about football and I am not sure you have washed today, hence the cheap aftershave making my eyes water.”
“Oh…”
So in one conversation, we have gone from Mr Straight fearing for his ring to looking like Cinderella when the Prince tells her he is not looking for anything serious.
Sometimes the conversation ends there and sometimes it gets flirtier and another cocktease is born.
But where does this need to cocktease come from? Look at the gay media, where once you would find articles about the first Pride march in the Czech Republic, you now cannot move for straight ‘Celebs’ wanting to take their clothes off for ‘The Gays’. Now don’t get me wrong, I like to look at a naked man as much as the next person. However, I think there is something disingenuous about straight men rippling their pecs or standing coyly with a hand over their bollocks talking about how they love their gay fanbase and of course they have thought maybe they were bisexual. Really? It’s just marketing. It’s them trying to sell you whatever it is they are hawking. Don’t fall for it. They won’t sleep with you. Especially the repeat offenders, those men who are naked so often that I think it’s time to set up a charity to buy them some clothes. Don’t you get it? They are treating you like you are only your genitalia. Do you want to be the target of this conversation:
“So I have some new tat to sell and I need to raise my profile, what should I do?”
“Take it all off for the gays, they’ll buy anything with enough nipple showing.”
Seriously, think about it. They are not taking their clothes off because they like to, they want you to buy stuff.
And now the whole straight boy world is going down the cocktease route because there’s nobody easier to sell to than ‘The Gays’. Don’t be fooled.
