Hi, I am Celebrity X and I suggest that you buy Shitty Product Y…

So I pretty much hate advertising with a passion. Whether it’s advertising telling you that women will definitely touch your dick if you drive this car, use that aftershave or wear that watch, or the stuff that tells you your children will die if you don’t swab the entire house with a particular disinfectant every 3 seconds.

I hate it because even if it is a necessary product like loo roll or food we are still bombarded with messages about why a particular brand is the best.

I also hate it because despite all my intellectual understanding of how they trick you into wanting something, my reptilian hindbrain still responds and thinks ‘Yes, I do need that’.

But I do accept that until we as a society have the courage to say ‘Hmm, that money thing was a bit of a aberration, maybe we should try something else’ then advertising will always exist. (No I don’t have an answer as to what would replace money, because I am an opinionated prick not a problem solver).

However, there is one thing that I despise more than any other type of advertising. That’s when I hear or see a celebrity (proper usage) that I respect or admire, taking their 30 pieces of silver to shil for some advertiser. You know the times when you think ‘But they can’t need the money, why would they do that?’ I do make an exception for charity advertising. But anyone else…well I will leave the last word to the late, great Bill Hicks:

“Do a commercial, you’re off the artistic roll call, every word you say is suspect, you’re a corporate whore and eh, end of story”